A Shortage of Paper

If posts on social media are to be believed, there is another run on toilet paper in the United States. Toilet paper, and eggs.

First - weird shortage combo, bruh. Did everyone collectively decided they wanted to TP and egg people's homes like they're back in the '70s?

But also: have ya'll tried water?

I vividly remember family members bartering for toilet paper during the COVID pandemic, and when that failed, bartering for tissue paper. This was a problem that was not experienced in other areas of the world, and, as I later learned, was quite the comedic spectacle for those with the bidet system to watch.

However, I must confess that my first encounter with the bidet system was a surprise filled with a teeny-tiny bit of anxiety:

1. I've finished doing my duty (doody?).
2. Oh no. There is no toilet paper.
3. What is this metal snake hanging on the wall for?
4. There's a drain on the floor.

Oh no...

It's Not that Bad, Guys

As a recent convert to the ways of water bum washing, I can confidently say the bidet system is far, far superior than toilet paper, in every possible way. There's just no comparison: you're actually cleaning the target area, rather than just rubbing the poo around and risking a skidmark.

Was that gross imagery? Good. Because that's how gross using toilet paper really is.

Isn't it odd that we shower and bathe - using water - every other inch of our bodies, but when it comes to that one location, we just rub it around a bit on paper and (let's be honest) no matter how much money you spend, it still feels like paper stripping away flakes of perianal skin cells?

That's, like, super-duper ineffective cleaning.

And let us not forget: your butt is killing trees. It's massacring them - butt cheek by butt cheek. Hardly the environmentally friendly option.

Okay, sure. I'll admit, there's the itsy-bitsy risk of giving yourself a brief enema with a strong enough bidet system and an unsteady hand.

Of course that's always the possibility, but they say there's health benefits to enemas, too!

Give Your Butt a Break

Trust me: it just feels so wonderful and soothing to have that water caress between your butt cheeks, and if you do it right, you don't even need to dry.

Just spray and walk away, man.